If someone were to look at my current life, they might say that it is full of joy, fun, excitement, laughter, and peace. I know that is how I see and experience my life today, but the road to get here was rocky and treacherous.
In May of 2019, my husband lost his long, hard-fought battle with bipolar disorder. Our extraordinary marriage saw moments of immense joy and deep sorrow, until it ultimately ended in its darkest moment. Overnight, everything changed. The hope of stabilizing his illness, raising our 2 children together, experiencing endless adventures, and then finally growing old together while sitting on rocking chairs on our front porch were gone. I was a widow. As a solo parent to two small children, they were now my full responsibility. I had to not only pick up the pieces to care for them, but I also needed to rewrite a new ending to my story.
A few years after grappling with the the loss of my husband and embracing my new life as a widow, I was thrown another curveball and unexpectedly lost my career. Teaching was the only job I knew, a profession that I poured my heart into. It wasn’t just a job, but a part of my identity. When that was taken away, I felt lost. Just as I had when my husband died, I spent days in bed, crying, not knowing who I was now or how I could move forward. Once again, faced with the choice to give up or keep going, I chose to rediscover who I was and what truly mattered most.
Life can change in an instant. We can’t control that aspect, but we can control our perspective and our response. These are the critical moments where we must make a decision. Heal and find a new path forward or decide it is all too much to go on. The evolved understanding of why things happen the way that they do doesn’t come until much later, so choosing to keep going requires a leap of faith. At first, the journey to finding a new path is usually only in our physical bodies—a routine, going through the motions. But over time if you give yourself the space and do the work to heal, it will be more than just going through the motions. One day you look around and realize you are not just surviving, but thriving.
My five most important lessons I have learned as I continue on my healing journey are:
Heal yourself. Feel all the feelings whether that be grief, anger, or disappointment. Go to therapy. Talk to your friends. Dig deep into the dark corners and try to figure out what needs healing so that you can move forward and stand in your authentic self.
Live authentically. No more bullshit. Get clear on who you are and what and who you want in your world. Lean into becoming your genuine self. Be okay with this authentic life looking different than either what you thought it should or how others expect it to be.
Listen to your intuition. Once you know who you are, listen closely to the voice that lives inside of you. However you believe it to be, the universe, your higher self, or God, trust it because they will tell you all the things you need to know. Journal, meditate, and lean in to the messages you are getting.
Follow the fun. Follow your passion– the thing that lights you up inside. Chase it. Say yes to people, places, and opportunities that bring you joy. You don’t need to wait to lose someone close to you to realize just how short life is.
Live life outside of the box. Don’t conform to the life you think you "should" live. Living authentically outside the box can be scary. It goes against much of what we've been taught by society, but it's the best way to find your true path. Sometimes, this means making scary changes—whether in your job, relationships, or by speaking your truth.
Life will continue to throw us curveballs, and while we can’t control everything that happens, we can control how we respond. Stay curious, open, and willing to embrace the pivots—because often, it’s through the unforeseen changes that we find the most beautiful and surprising chapters of our story.
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